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Lawers judges crooks and cops - Fate Fairies - book version
This entry was posted on 1/10/2012 1:45 AM and is filed under Fate Fairies:Fate Fairies - book version.
A recent trip to the tax office jogged my memory of a harried date with fate. This recent visit I had waited until the last day - because I sleep all day due to shitty work hours - to pay the property taxes. If you are late, the first of the next month the bill goes up a couple hundred bucks. So I went right after my night shift instead of going home - which would have meant falling asleep until the last minute to get to the Court House.
I arrived about 20 minutes early, tired as a mo-fo, and there was already a fellow waiting for the Treasurer's office to open. He was probable about my age but he had weathered life better. He was all decked out in his clean and pressed delivery uniform, so in his case it looked like he was on his way to work. We were an odd couple of sorts. He with his proper hair and uniform. Me with my mussed-up pony tail, camouflage pants, and my ink-covered, hole-ridden, sleeveless work t-shirt - tattoos of naked chicks everywhere.
But we had a common enemy this day...., the tax man.
We started to chat as we waited to give up a chunk of our incomes. I leaned against the door of what was once the County Clerk's office. They have moved down the hall these days. It brought back a memory, and while we waited, I told the man this story.
Back when my Mom was still alive, she insisted I run the property tax payment down to the Court House personally for her - every year. When she got near the end of her life and I had moved in to take care of her, things got harried, tense, and stressful. It must have been the last time she made a payment before she died. And, it was getting harder and harder to leave her unattended and alone.
So that morning around 10 years ago, in sweat pants and sweat shirt, I dashed out to my little Geo Metro and sped down to the Court House. There was and still is a small desk outside the Treasurer's door so you can do any last minute filling out of paper work or checks. The pockets of my sweat pants were small with holes in them so I held my small wrap-around makeshift wallet in my hand. I stopped at the desk to dot one last "i" and cross one last "t" Everyone in the office is always pleasant. I gathered the receipt from the appreciative woman at the desk, turned and quickly headed back down the stairs thinking about what trouble my elderly and very ill mother may have been up to in my short absence.
I hopped in my little car and raced home - way above the posted speed limit. Like in some movie, I zipped into the driveway at a sloppy angle, jumped out and ran to the door - hoping to find my Mom still asleep.
Then it struck me, something was wrong, I peeked into the house, and Mom was indeed still sleeping in her hospital bed. But what was not quite right? Something. I thought for a minute - and then, "Oh, my fuck'n god, my wallet was not in the ratty little sweat pant pocket." My heart sank - credit cards, Social Security Card, driver's license, fifty bucks in cash, and ten other dandy things a crook would love.
I left Mom sleeping, crossed my fingers, took a quick survey of the car floor and seat - no wallet - and drove back to the Court House through town at what seemed 60 miles an hour.
Nothing at the "Help Desk." They sent me to "Lost and Found." Nothing there either, but the woman did say, "Oh heck, if you just lost it 15 minutes ago, go back to the scene of the crime."
Up the big marble steps I ran. By then there was a line of people down the hall waiting to pay their property taxes. The little table was empty. No one had seen a wallet. I must have looked like death warmed over, but a kind old fellow shoved my up to the front of the line and said, "Get in there son and see if them women at the desk have it."
Nothing there; but, one woman at the desk said, "Go across hall; people seem to think the County Clerk is more important than us."
Compared to the busy Treasurer's office, the Clerk's office was like a tomb. Two women sat a neat desks and gave me a school teacher smile when I walked in empty handed. "I have lost a wallet," I said with a deflated spirit."
"Really; we might be able to help you. Can you describe it?" one of the wry women asked.
I started to give some details. "Not much left of it. Sides gone; held to getter with a couple rubber bands; name's Bob Keith...."
"Stop," she said as she handed me my wallet. "Why do you keep all this important stuff in this little bundle, are you goofy?
"Living here temporarily. It is all my important stuff in the mean time," I said apologetically.
"Well even the money is still here. An old man and woman turned it in," she said with a "your-lucky-this-time," look.
I thanked both the women, I am sure inadequately, turned and headed for the door with saved wallet in tow. Then I stopped a the door, turned back and asked, "Hey, why do you think no one stole it?"
The two women looked at each other and laughed. Then the second woman who had been rather quiet through the whole exchange pipped up, "Ah ha ha ha...., sir, look where you lost it. All the honest people are in the hallway waiting to pay their taxes."
Then she added after a pause....
"Had you lost it on the other side of the Court House with all the lawyers, judges, crooks, and cops...., you'd have never found it!"
Note: This blog "Fate Fairies" - book version Category is a work in progress. The original vignettes are being edited for book form. Go to the Cooldadiomedia Web site and the Fate Fairies Page for an ordered chronology of the book vignettes (chapters).
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