Back in the 1950s and 60s a family with just one kid was a bit of an anomaly. I am told that nowadays, an "only child" is a rather common occurrence. Back in those past days however, you would hear the mantra about the 2.5 children per household - the consummate "nuclear family." But, being raised in a big dairy farm culture, the nuclear family was something "city folks" preoccupied themselves with.
All around our area there were farms with kids numbering in the double digits - 10; 13; and right on up.
And then there was my humble family. Just Mom and Dad and..., me.
Dad was older for that era when he entered World War II - he was way up into his mid 20s. By the time he got back he was older yet. It took him a couple years to readjust to civilian life after seeing some rather bad combat in Africa and Italy. To add insult to injury, his first wife died of cancer after only one year of marriage. So, he started over again. By the time my Mom came on the scene, they were both near 40 years old. And again, nowadays, 40 is workable to have kids, in fact common. But back then it was risky. The technology was just not available to help with the birth for couples over 40.
Kids can be cruel, but kids can also be savvy. I was rarely asked why I had no siblings. Every one just seemed to understand it was not a road to go down. Even kids have limits to their kid treachery.
There are all the usual misconceptions about only children that are apparently perpetrated by people who know nothing about..., "only children." Of course, I did not get everything I wanted. We were actually a bit poor. I did have to work; I struggled in school; and, I had no time to play the spoiled-kid role.
I learned to get along with myself. There were countless hours of farm field work - repetitive cultivation and tedious harvesting of crops and routine caring for the dairy animals. I learned the value of a loyal dog. Of course the farm was replete with the many barn cats; I learned their marvelous nuances.
Back then there was no training in school to prepare an only child for what may be waiting fifty years on down the road. I would be the only care giver of my aging parents. Along the way, I did feel some pressure, mostly self inflicted, that I was somehow obligated to be the doctor, lawyer, pro baseball player, soldier, and astronaut. But of course one person rarely wears so many hats.
There is something else besides the reality of caring for one's aging parents. There was no older brother or sister to blaze a trail. There was no younger siblings to mentor. I had to make all the mistakes an oldest child might make. But, there was no one following in my footsteps to learn from my mistakes - and there were plenty of mistakes.
I did survive the Army, and years later I graduated from college with a couple of degrees. But my parents never got to see me graduate. They were both long passed away.
No brothers and sisters means no nieces and nephews. And I have no children of my own. My wife's two nieces live hundreds of miles away. So, pulling from past experience, there needs to be some small living soul in the picture, there must always be a cat sitting on my sofa. My world is too busy to care for a dog. And fifty years later, I still miss that companionship.
I take special notice when people talk about their siblings. Sometimes it is not complimentary chat. Other times people are loyal and devoted to their brothers and/or sisters. I only know these things from observing and quietly listening to others.
There were no siblings to squabble with regarding what to do about property and healthcare when my parents neared their time with death. But, as well, there was no one to lean on either.
To borrow a worn out cliche, it has been what it has been...,
....it is what it is.
Note: This blog "Fate Fairies" Category does not list the brushes with fate chronologically - I write about the experiences as they pop up in my memory and I often revisit an older event. Go to the Cooldadiomedia Web site and the Fate Fairies Page for an ordered chronology.
Wisconsin Military Service Person Special Mention of the Week
(each week Cooldadiomedia mentions a Wisconsin service person killed in Iraq or Afghanistan)
Marine Sergeant Chad Michael Allen, 25, Maple Lake, Minnesota (north eastern Wisconsin family connections), died on Wednesday, February 28, 2007 in Nahiah, Al Anbar Province, Iraq. He was killed in combat operations. Sergeant Allen was assigned to 1st Platoon, Company A, 2nd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, out of Camp Lejeune, North Carolina.
The Wisconsin Department of Veterans Affairs notes that Marine Sergeant Chad Allen was laid to rest at the Northern Wisconsin Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Spooner, Wisconsin, which is near his parents home in Danbury, Wisconsin.
The Web site militarytimes.com siting information from the Associated Press notes Chad Allen entered the Marines in 2003, although he enlisted just after the September 11, 2001 attacks. Sergeant Allen was on his second deployment in Iraq and was scheduled to leave the Marines on May 1, of 2007, according to his family.
The information posted on the militarytimes.com site also says Chad Allen is the second of four children; he grew up in Maple Lake, Minnesota where he also graduated from high school in 2000. He had been homecoming king. Before he entered the Marines he worked for a car wash and a landscape company. Fishing and motorcycle riding were two of his favorite interests.
The Web site marine.togetherweserved.com notes Allen's battalion was based in Rawah, Iraq, a city of 30,000 people that is 150 miles northwest of Baghdad along the Euphrates River. Some of their work involved helping the Iraqi people to stabilize the region and develop the Iraqi Security Forces. Allen had extended his enlistment contract in order to deploy to Iraq with the battalion. He was promoted to the rank of sergeant in the beginning of February 2007.
Minnesota Public Radio posted an article stating Allen had volunteered for a second tour of duty in Iraq to take the place of an injured fellow Marine. Allen's hometown of Maple Lake is a small city of around 1,700 residents and about 45 miles northwest of Minneapolis. Allen was remembered as an upbeat, energetic, determined, diligent, and disciplined student. He played on the Maple Lake football team where was an offensive guard and defensive linebacker. He also ran track. The Public Radio article quotes close acquaintances as saying Chad Allen wanted to get into the police force but being short of the funds to facilitate the training, entered the military instead.
Chad M. Allen was born on September 2, 1981. At the time of his death he was survived by his parents Stephen and Deborah Allen; sister Linell (Christopher) Haux and niece Kayla; brothers Ryan Allen and Brandon Allen; his fiancee Mandy Frost; Frost's parents Randall and Diana Frost; and, grandparents Marlys Ericson, and Dale (Judy) Langanki.
Marine Sergeant Chad M. Allen is the 100th military service person that has been identified by Cool Dadio Media as having Wisconsin connections and that has died in Iraq since the Spring of 2003.
As of this blog entry's posting date:
103,818 Iraqi civilians have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003 (actually documented).
10,125 Iraqi Security Forces have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
4,486 Americans have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
1848 Americans have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
318 Coalition soldiers have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
972 Coalition soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
1 American/Coalition casualty in Libyan "Operation Odyssey Dawn" since March, 2011.
32,226 U.S. troops have been wounded in action in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
592 Wisconsin military service persons have been wounded in Iraq since Spring 2003.
14,969 U.S. troops have been wounded in action in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
192 Wisconsin military service persons have been wounded in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
107 Wisconsin military service persons have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
36 Wisconsin military service persons have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
3 Wisconsin military service persons have been killed in the U.S. related to "The War on Terror" since September, 2001.
151 journalists (several nationalities) have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
22 journalists (various nationalities) have been killed in Afghanistan since September, 2001.
5 journalists (regional and independents) have been killed in Libya since March, 2011.
Wisconsin military service person special mention of the week, military casualty, and journalist casualty information sources: Committee to Protect Journalists; cnn.com; Milwaukee Journal Sentinel; washingtonpost.com; thehighground.org; Wisconsin Department of Veterans Affairs; iraqbodycount.org; www.defense.gov/news/casualty.pdf; and, icasualties.org .
