Slowly but surely, I moved through time toward actually graduating with a bachelor's degree from the University of Wisconsin - Whitewater.  After that spring day in 2003 when a 47 year old guy walked across the stage to receive his diploma in pre-law / criminal justice / sociology, said mook had to make a decision as to what the hell to do with himself.  I actually entertained going to law school. 

    Considering I now had the academic momentum to continue with the riggers of studying at the college level, I elected to chip away at grad school the following fall semester - it was a gamble, but what the hell. But I did need a job of some sort.  The emergency medical service had been the source of a humble part-time income for the previous year due to their need to actually pay people to sit at the station and take weekend shifts and wait for 9ll calls.  But, like so many rural public safety entities, they often run out of funds.  Result...end of said humble income.  They went back to a volunteer stipend offering.

    I was always putting in job applications here and there anyway, so I just ramped it up a bit after graduation. The economy of the first decade of the 2000s had not yet gone to hell, but there were signs of problems even as early as 2003.  The canaries in the coal mine were older workers like myself.  Back in the 1990s, the economy was so robust even President Bill Clinton signed legislation to encourage needed older workers to "stay on the job or come back in the work force."   But by 2003 we oldies were being thrown under the economic bus yet once again.

    Be that as it may, a huge grocery consortium swept into Madison, Wisconsin and took over a gaggle of large stores vacated by another grocery company. The plan was to completely make over the stores, re-staff, and retool the whole mess. Said huge grocery consortium hired a battalion of human resources hacks to implement a centralized hiring process for the many retooled stores. I figured, "What the hell?" It is a big company needing hundreds of people from baggers to administration. Maybe this old bastard can slide in under the radar."  

    Because of the large number of bodies needed to fill several mega-stores, I was not surprised when I was asked to start the interview process.  But that is where the normalcy of the whole ordeal ended.  What was to follow was the ritualized crafting of a disturbing deconstruction of desperate workers - a dandy canard.

    I hoped with my criminal justice background perhaps I could get something in store security or an entry level administrative type post.  Just in case things went sour, I kept a realistic view. I had worked all my life as a blue-collar guy so I was used to getting my ego bludgeoned.   

    After a brief one-on-one interview, I was required to take the consummate psychological written tests most retail employees have had to endure for decades.  I would have to languish through at least a couple of rounds of the odious pre-employment personality tests.  From my experience with these written tests dating back to my days in the military during the Viet Nam War era, and job forays since, I have learned that with a bit of focus, these tests can be beaten.  They ask the same questions over and over ad nauseam, each version of the question trying to trick the job candidate into a cascade of lies.  

    "Do you smoke marijuana?"

    "Do you like marijuana?"

    "When was the last time you smoked marijuana?"  

    "How often do you smoke marijuana?"

    "Would you report someone who steals to your employer?"

    "Do you think stealing from your employer is justified if they are screwing you?"

    "When was the last time you stole something from your employer?"

    "How often do you steal from your employer?"

    "Are you a people person?"

    "Why do you hate people?" 

    "Do you get angry?"

    "Why do you get angry so often?"

    "Do you get angry often?" 

    "Are you quiet or are you a talker?"

    "Why are you such a quiet person?"

    "Do you yell at your pets?" 

    "Why don't you have any pets?"

    "Why do you hate little animals?"

    If you focus, all these questions can be beaten in the end.  The method to usurp this Orwellian crap is simply... lie like there is no tomorrow and stick to your lies.  Never tell the truth on these tests, but be consistent.  They try to ensconce you into a pattern of inconsistent answers. 

    So frustrated by my perfect scores on at least two versions of these despicable tests, one of the hired guns from the human resources hack squad ( a guy right out of a G.Gordon Liddy profile and former government employee) asked me why I never stole anything in my life?

    Without hesitation, I said that back on the farm, you must never move anything because things are left at certain places around the farm for seasonal needs - a hammer, a specialized wrench, a bolt - all were needed for a task that would come around at some point.  Things need to be left in place, and they often belong to the collective; or, for sure things left sitting around belong to someone else. 

    The mook bought it.  After about four more interviews at different times, I was informed I would be working in the produce department.  Here I found myself working with Hispanics that could not speak English.  Wearing beard and hair nets, we stood in two inches of water in the small produce kitchen and basically cut lettuce, fruits, and vegtables for the salad bar.  

    Just two years earlier, I had been in a wheel chair for six month due to a flare up of my blood condition.  Standing in two inchesof water on a hard floor for 10 hours a day was not the best option for my on-going recovery. And, not to mention the idea of cutting fuck'n lettuce with a college degree did stomp on my tender little ego...juuust a bit.

    I almost cried when I realized what I had gotten myself into.  Heide said I was nuts for staying on at the place as long as I did.  I admit it, after a few weeks I said to myself, "Fuck this shit."

    I gave it my best, but here was a guy who had studied criminal justice in college, considered going to law school, had a 3.65 grade average, and was now on his way to grad school.  I was a prime candidate to work security, drive forklift in the warehouse, stock shelves, or god forbid work in the office at any one of the large stores.   And let's not forget, I had over 30 years of work experience to boot.  But they tagged me to...cut fuck'n lettuce.  

    Perhaps they put me in the produce gulag out of spite for my making a mockery out of their precious pre-employment personality tests.  But realistically, I doubt if anyone in charge there had the ambition (or smarts) to be so vindictive.  Ultimately, I was a body, a number, and they needed said body to...cut fuck'n lettuce - it was as simple as that. 

    My produce department boss must have left 10 messages over 10 days begging me to come back and...cut that fuck'n lettuce. 

    "You going to call the poor guy back?" Heide asked.  

    Then she hesitated, looked at me and laughed, and said, "Never mind, what the hell was I thinking?" 

   Note: This blog "Jobs of Bob" Category does not list the jobs chronologically - I write about the experiences as they pop up in my memory and I often revisit an older job.  Go to the Cooldadiomedia Web site and the Jobs of Bob Page  for an ordered chronology.

                        Wisconsin Military Service Person Special Mention of the Week
    (each week Cooldadiomedia mentions a Wisconsin service person killed in Iraq or Afghanistan)

    Sergeant First Class Matthew Ignatius Pionk, 30, of Superior, Wisconsin died on Wednesday, January 9, 2008 in Sinsil, Iraq (Diyala). He was one of six soldiers killed when a house rigged with homemade bombs exploded during combat operations. SFC Pionk was assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Troop, 3rd Squadron, 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment, 1st Armored Division out of Vilseck, Germany. The Web site findagrave.com notes that Matthew was born on October 10, 1977 in Duluth, Minnesota. He was a 1996 graduate of Superior Wisconsin High School. Matthew was remembered as a "wonderful humanitarian" and "worked with the downtrodden and those in need". When he was younger he worked on cars and had restored a 1970's Chevy pick-up truck. He was known to enjoy being outdoors, hunting, fishing and snowmobiling. He married his wife in 1998 and joined the Army a short time later. He was on his second tour of duty in Iraq at the time of his death. He had been in-country for five months. Sergeant First Class Pionk had been awarded the Bronze Star during his first tour in Iraq for helping an injured soldier.
    The Star Tribune mentioned Matthew had recently moved to Eveleth, Minnesota with his wife and children. The Web site iraq.pigstye.net a data base for military casualties notes via information from the Superior Telegram that Matthew had connections to Iron Range and the Superior-area and his parents lived in Oliver, Wisconsin. Minnesota Public Radio noted on their Web site that Pionk was a platoon sergeant. He also had served with the 3rd Cavalry, 2nd Squadron, based out of Fort Lewis, Washington. 
    The Web site northlandsnewscenter.com called Pionk a Superior area Native. They noted his hometown as Oliver which is near Superior. They noted he was remembered for being quiet but more open after one got to know him. He got involved in the auto mechanics program during high school. He was part of the Superior Vocational Industrial Clubs of America, and would compete in skills competitions doing small engine repair. 
    At the time of his death Matthew was survived by his parents Duane Gregory and Sandra Joy Nace Pionk; his wife Melanie; their three children; two brothers: Jeremy and Joshua Pionk; sister, Katie Pionk; and, maternal grandparents, Paul and Joyce Nace. He was laid to rest in Calvary Cemetery in Superior, Wisconsin.
    Sergeant First Class Matthew Pionk was the 86th Wisconsin military service person killed in Iraq since the spring of 2003. 

         As of this blog entry's posting date:

    99,712 Iraqi civilians have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
    
    9,830 Iraqi Security Forces have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.

    4,442 Americans have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003. 

    1483 Americans have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.

    318 Coalition soldiers have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.

    858 Coalition soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001. 

    32,046 U.S. troops have been wounded in action in Iraq since Spring, 2003. 

    10,407 U.S. troops have been wounded in action in Afghanistan since October, 2001. 

    103 Wisconsin soldiers have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.

    27 Wisconsin soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.

    145 journalists (several nationalities) have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.

    21 journalists (various nationalities) have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.

Wisconsin military service person special mention of the week, military casualty, and journalist casualty information sources: Committee to Protect Journalists; cnn.com; Milwaukee Journal Sentinel; washingtonpost.com; thehighground.org;  Wisconsin Department of Veterans Affairs; iraqbodycount.org; www.defense.gov/news/casualty.pdf; and, icasualties.org.