The following account delves into one of the darkest times in my life - aside from those encounters with almost kicking the bucket myself from meningitis or blood clots.
My father died in 1988 at 70 years old. I was in Texas at the time and had made a couple trips back to Wisconsin in the last two years of his life to look in on him. He had a lingering lymphoma cancer. He had "slipped into another bad spell" as my mom would say. I hesitated a bit to make the journey yet one more time back to Wisconsin. Sure enough, I hesitated a couple days too long - he died that time.
A dozen years later Heide and I were living back in Wisconsin again. My mom's health began to fail - she too had gotten a cancer. Not wanting to be on the sidelines with her struggle, I became active in her care. And it should be noted, I did not have much of a choice, I am an only child. They don't teach you that in high school. We learned quickly, that if as a family member you do not take action, other not-so-family-affiliated entities will start making decisions for you - lawyers, nurses, doctors, social workers, Hospice people... When she got too frail, we tried to bring her out to our rural house in New Glarus. We learned the hard way, we had plucked her right out of her comfort zone. New Glarus was 40 miles from her care givers and social network in Janesville. We promptly moved her back home.
About that time, she had become eligible to receive care from Hospice. But, as we learned, they do not do 24-hour care. They do a lot of services, and they were there off and on throughout the day, but evening and night care was up to the family to figure out.
Early on she had hung on in Hospice care and been able to stay fairly independent and did not necessarily need someone at her house 24-hours per day. In fact for a short time, Hospice was pulled out because her condition leveled off. But about six months later she got the word again her cancer was making a come-back. This time she really became frail.
The hammer fell when I was sitting at a four-day Emergency Medical Technician conference over in Milwaukee. I received a page from Hospice. When I called the nurse, I got an ear-full of questions about Mom's condition I had never heard before. She had reached a new level of illness. The nurse began to ask me what actions to take. It was clear I needed to see the situation for myself and left the conference in mid-session.
When I got to Mom's house, it was obvious things had changed, Mom was going to need a special mechanical bed. I ordered one and had it put right in the kitchen for easy access to everything. My nursing assistant, EMT training, and blue collar work had served me a bit well at least - make work as easy as possible.
Also, I noticed that some small decisions had been done in my absence. Mom had been told she was not to go down the stairs, and in-general she was not to go outside or even get near the car. She had loved to drive her little car. It was the consummate story of old age - the loss of freedom. She had a 1990 Chevy Corsica. It is a damn reliable vehicle. She and "advising visitors" were making plans to sell it.
"Hold on," I said. "I'll deal with the car." As I should, as power of attorney. Poetically, I still have the car. The 21 year old work horse is a dandy work car. I think in retrospect, she would be pleased I made such long use of it.
I called Heide. "We got to make a life decision," I said.
Mom had hinted at selling the house. I knew an apartment or nursing home would actually be more expensive to facilitate. The house had been paid for full for years. In rather short order we decided I would live with and serve as her attendant until she died.
"As power of attorney, you can pay care givers or even yourself out of the assets of the person to whom you are overseeing," my attorney suggested. Since I am an only child, I decided not to pay myself. If anything was left after the onslaught of the end-of-life battle, I would get any remaining assets anyway. But, most people lose everything at the end of their lives. The last six months of life are often the most expensive time of an entire life. I did pay a nursing assistant to come in a few nights per week at the very end of Mom's ordeal.
It was incumbent upon Heide and I to at least try to help Mom. Mom and Dad had tried so hard to be frugal all their lives. And they had helped us as best they could get off to a little life together. It would be a shame for her to lose all her stuff we thought at the time. And, I will always be haunted that my mom at 68 years old had to care for my dad as he died. Someone should return her the favor.
College was put on hold. I took a leave from "The Y" and also from the emergency medical service.
I moved in with Mom for what ever would be the foreseeable future. Hospice still came of course. In fact, they were relieved. They do not cotton to helping a patient who can not be left alone at all and there is no relatives to make decisions or stay with the person.
"Do you realise what you're getting yourself into?" one of my more thoughtful tech college instructors who was my own age asked. My situation made people my age that still had parents, stand up and take notice.
The teacher's query was prophetic. Heide and I were about to enter one of the most complex and stressful years of our long relationship, and for sure, our entire lives.
Note: This blog "Jobs of Bob" Category does not list the jobs chronologically - I write about the experiences as they pop up in my memory and I often revisit an older job. Go to the Cooldadiomedia Web site and the Jobs of Bob Page for an ordered chronology.
Wisconsin Military Service Person Special Mention of the Week
(each week Cooldadiomedia mentions a Wisconsin service person killed in Iraq or Afghanistan)
Army Corporal Jason Floyd Lemke, 30, West Allis, Wisconsin, died on Saturday, January 5th, 2008 in Ibrahim Al Adham, Iraq. His vehicle was struck an improvised explosive device (roadside bomb). He was assigned to Company A, 2nd Battalion, 23rd Infantry Regiment, 4th Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division out of Fort Lewis, Washington. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel noted that Corporal Lemke's death took place in Diyala province which is northeast of Baghdad. He had enlisted in the Army on December 18, 2004, in Milwaukee and started his military training in Fort Benning, Georgia. Jason reported to Fort Lewis, Washington in May of 2005. His brigade was deployed to Iraq in April of 2007. It was Lemke's first tour in Iraq. The Journal Sentinel mentioned that Lemke was the 34th soldier from his brigade to be killed since it left for Iraq in April of 2007. Lemke graduated from high school in 1996. His Military Occupational Specialty was 11C (Indirect Fire Infantryman).
The Web site iraq.pigstye.net a data base for military casualties noted via information from the Chippewa Herald that Lemke had trained in the Arabic language for a year before being deployed. Jason was also known to speak Spanish. The Web site mentioned Jason graduated in 1996 from Wisconsin Lutheran High School. As a civilian Jason had worked for a company that made stainless steel kitchen appliances. He had two children that were living with their mother at the time of his death. Jason's grandfather's and an uncle had been in the military. Corporal Lemke was a recipient of the National Defense Service Medal, the Global War on terrorism Service Medal, and the Army Service Ribbon.
The News Tribune in Tacoma, Washington noted Lemke's fellow soldiers remember his as a source of comedic relief with his sense of humor; someone who could be counted on to finish a task; and, he was also know as a linguist. He was also known for keeping track of the status of wounded and injured fellow squad members. He had originally planned to sign up right for the military after graduating from high school, but he got married and worked odd jobs to support his family.
The Web site legacy.com via information from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel obituary pages noted that at the time of his death Jason was survived by his children Amber, Liz, and Casey; mother and father Colleen and Greg Lemke; brother Jerrie Lemke; sister Jill Lemke; and, grandmother Rosemary Lemke. Corporal Jason Lemke was the 84th Wisconsin military service person to be killed in Iraq since the spring of 2003.
As of this blog entry's posting date:
99,702 Iraqi civilians have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
9,830 Iraqi Security Forces have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
4,439 Americans have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
1476 Americans have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
318 Coalition soldiers have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
848 Coalition soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
32,038 U.S. troops have been wounded in action in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
10,308 U.S. troops have been wounded in action in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
103 Wisconsin soldiers have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
27 Wisconsin soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
145 journalists (several nationalities) have been killed in Iraq since Spring, 2003.
21 journalists (various nationalities) have been killed in Afghanistan since October, 2001.
Wisconsin military service person special mention of the week, military casualty, and journalist casualty information sources: Committee to Protect Journalists; cnn.com; Milwaukee Journal Sentinel; washingtonpost.com; thehighground.org; Wisconsin Department of Veterans Affairs; iraqbodycount.org; www.defense.gov/news/casualty.pdf; and, icasualties.org.
